Footsteps

I'm afraid to look at you.

I can feel the blank stare of nothing behind these green eyes.

I am afraid you will see 

Just how far away I have managed to stumble.

My soul filled with deep passion 

Has dissipated to cold ash

No burning 

No desire 

The presence of any illuminating love 

Is seeping out of my pores.

Leaving just a shell of my body to rebuild. 

My mind full of empty thoughts.

No words left to spit out. 

My feet are heavy now

Each step is like pulling my feet out of the quick sand.

Each stride widens the gap of distance.

Just stand there. Make no sudden movements.

Watch my footprints slowly disappear 

As I set foot into the distance 

One last glance over my shoulder,

Goodbye my once sweet pearl. 

Frozen

A heart covered in ice.

A soul hidden behind the gates.

An empty stare pouring from your eyes.

The deafening silence trapped in your lips. 

All the thoughts trapped in your mind, running your sanity in circles. 

Keep spinning and spinning

Falling to your knees, overcome with dizziness. 

The exhaustion increases

The doubt covers a body like a slow vine wrapping around so tight. 

Trapped. Unable to move. Frozen in time. 

Never ending Battle

Originally wrote: September 9th 2010

 

I search in circles for a remedy

To fight the poision that is killing me

I'm falling head over feet

Is anybody listening?

 

I'm calling out for resolution

I receive a circle, a mean cycle

So tell me, what is our ending?

Will it be beautiful?

 

Why do I let myself go

unraveling in fury

Crying out for a simple solution

Will I be destroyed by all my doubt

 

Loud and Clear

Take my fear

and show me how to see

the love that brings serenity

 

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going

but faith is moving without knowing

can I trust what I can't see

To reach my destiny.

The one I miss

I wrote this April 21st 2011, in memory of my Grandma. It was originally posted as a note on my Facebook. I just realized it wasn't on my blog and definitely needs to be!

My heart is always laced

With memories of us two

The biggest challenge I'm faced

is always missing you.

 

Days grow easier

as they pass by and by.

Memories grow stronger

as I grieve for you longer.

 

I tell you goodnight

at the site of moonlight.

Even in my dreams too

I will always miss you.

 

I am grateful for

A much happier place

but I can not ignore

always missing your face.

 

I can not ask why

you've been taken from me

but I would fly so high

to bring you back to my reality.

 

The first year is gone

but my sadness lingers on

I long for a hug and kiss

from the one I miss.

 

In loving memory of Patricia (Grandma) Zalewski - April 24th, 2010

Bruised and Battered

I wrote this poem in December 2011. :)

 

 

I tripped and fell today

A scar from the past ripped open

I watched all the poison ooze out

and fill the air with doubt.

I ran to find a bandaid

before the poison could take over

it wouldnt stick to the wound

due to it being used over and over.

My mind went astray

and I began to panic

I thought this scar had healed

never to surface the planet.

In all my distress

I burst into tears

realizing this old wound

will haunt my life for years.

There is no running away

there is no escaping

the scar that remains

will continue to be gapping.

Obstacles

I wrote this poem when I was 16. Although I don't recall exactly what this poem was reflecting around in my life, I find it very ironic that it fits more of my life now. As a writer who keeps everything I put on paper it's funny to have this trail of my past. What is even more comical, is that at 16 I thought I knew what life obstacles were. How many times have you told yourself, "If I only knew then what I know now." Enjoy.

*To anyone that has had cancer leech into their lives... Chin up loves, this is only an obstacle. One you overcome.

Obstacles

January 15, 2004

 

I feel as if I'm drowning in an ocean of my life

The waves have washed my happiness a million miles out of sight.

No matter where the water flows I find myself plunging deeper

And every time my bubble bursts I grow a little weaker

 

I feel as if I'm tumbling down a mountain of my life

Each step I take leads to a place

Filled with hopelessness and strife.

But when I drift away at night, and submerge myself in a dream

The sea is calm, the waves roll gently, and I feel like a queen.

My attitude is bright and my heart swells with pride

I lift a load off my back and set reality aside.

Constantly I worry that the hills will be too steep

And every time I trip or slip, I see failure and defeat.

But when I tuck myself into a heavenly slumber

The land is flat

The slopes are smooth

And the world itself is a wonder.

I pleasantly skip across open fields,

And let the winds sweep through my hair

How grand is it to dance in a dream

Though my real life is waiting somewhere

Life is a twisted obstacle course

I hurdle through challenges

And feel joy and remorse.

My only escape is seen, through closed eyes

And the second they open, my fantasy dies.